There's a mouthful, huh?
What I'm referring to are the 'hosepipe' or garden hose bans recently put into place across much of Southern England in the areas surrounding London, as they experience a triple whammy of warm weather - three successive heatwaves that rolled across the country in the late spring.
Britain has done basically what California has done as its population has burgeoned with newcomers, and water usage skyrocketed - nothing.
This was kind of entertaining, and you could literally do a one-for-one swap with California for Britain anywhere in there until it gets to tea kettles blowing an abused, overwhelmed, and underloved electrical grid.
Every summer Britain stages the same piece of absurd theatre.
The sun shines for ten consecutive days, the television dutifully finds the most half-empty, mud-spattered reservoir in England, and solemn experts warn that the nation stands on the brink of hydrological Armageddon because someone in Surrey had the audacity to water a geranium.
Outcome, the hosepipe bans, accompanied by the annual sermon that we must all ‘do our bit’. Apparently western civilisation now hangs by a thread, depending on whether I wash the car or revive a lawn that’s beginning to resemble a cricket wicket in the Kalahari.
Horticultural public enemy
The enforcement zealots emerge with drones, cameras, and righteous indignation, hunting the horticultural equivalent of public enemy number one, the man who dares water his roses while pretending Britain has somehow become the Sahara.
Forgive me if I’m less than convinced.
The real problem isn’t that Britain has suddenly run out of water. It’s that we’ve spent decades failing to build the infrastructure to collect it, store it and move it around the country. We’re only now discussing the first major reservoir in around thirty years.
That isn’t an environmental crisis, it’s a managerial disgrace.
Managerial disgrace, indeed.
But they'll have to argue that later, as here come the hosepipe bans again as temperatures pop up into the mid- and upper 90s.
A new hosepipe ban has been introduced as Britain swelters in its third heatwave of the year.
More than five million people in East Anglia have been told not to use their hosepipes because of fears over water supplies.
A separate ban will come into force for Affinity Water customers, covering much of the Home Counties, on Friday, July 17.
Thursday was the eighth day on which temperatures had exceeded 34C in a calendar year, beating the records set in 1976 and 2020.
It follows heatwaves in May and June that left Britain baking in temperatures peaking at 37.7C.
The hosepipe bans are the fourth and fifth to be announced, following restrictions announced by Southern Water, South East Water and Cambridge Water. There is now a risk of drought in East Anglia, Devon and Cornwall.
Our Ebola*, stationed there in that 'third world country' as he calls it, has found that his water company is going a different route. They just dispensed with water delivery completely.
And good luck using their handy and customer-friendly app to report the outage. You weren't supposed to be using the water anyway, you blackguard.
Classic, or as the Brits would probably say, 'Brilliant!'
Now, lousy customer service aside, the last I heard, the sun shines - or doesn't - on us all, but apparently in diversity, equity, inclusivity, and two-tier-mad Britain, it doesn't.
There are protected victimhood classes even when the water is scarce, and the sun is hot. And you can bet your sweet bippy that the prized geraniums dying on a front patio or window box will not belong to one of those.
Welcome to 'the benefits of being on benefits' in Britain.
You don't get hosed like the guy with a job next door does.
Cripples, mentally-challenged types, welfare queens, asylum seekers, etc, ad nauseam, may all water at will.
Benefit claimants have been given permission to ignore hosepipe bans, The Telegraph can reveal.
Two water companies have been accused of “two-tier” policies after allowing families on welfare payments to flout the restrictions.
...While millions of Southern Water and Affinity Water customers have been under a ban since Friday, thousands on a WaterSure tariff are exempt.
The national tariff caps water bills for low-income households and those who must use large amounts of water for essential needs. Those who use sprinklers or fill ponds and pools are not eligible for the tariff.
Applicants must be claiming benefits. They must have three or more children under 19 in full-time education or have someone in their household with a medical condition that requires significant amounts of water.
Southern and Affinity told The Telegraph that they had taken the blanket approach of granting all customers on the WaterSure tariff the exemption in order to ensure disabled people were not put at risk, and to avoid confusion.
Cambridge Water, however, is using the WaterSure tariff as a criterion for eligibility for exemption from the ban, but only for those with a disability that makes using a watering can very difficult.
Four other water companies allow exemptions only for Blue Badge holders or those on the Priority Services Register, which informs utility companies if a customer might need extra support.
There's a long list of 'who can ignore the hose ban' here.
Hosepipe ban for 5 million of us… but not for many on benefits. Two tier Britain again. #hosepipe #water #twotier pic.twitter.com/By30KSMatf
— Susan Hall AM (@Councillorsuzie) July 14, 2026
Needless to say, collecting welfare and having three or more children while doing so has struck some people the wrong way as far as excuses for an exemption goes. The fact that Labour reworked the WaterSure program this year to allow another 53,000 people into it is also raising hackles as petunias brown on the back porch.
...Suella Braverman, the Reform MP whose Hampshire constituency of Fareham and Waterlooville is part of the ban, said: “How ridiculous has this country become when you have to be on benefits to use water?
“It’s absurd and another act of lunacy in Labour’s two-tier Britain where aspiration and hard work are punished. Many people will rightly ask what is the point of working when you can get so many benefits for free.”
The Conservatives also criticised the decision to allow some on benefits to flout hosepipe bans.
Kevin Hollinrake MP, the chairman of the Conservative Party, said: “It beggars belief that people getting reduced water bills at the expense of everyone else are exempt from this hosepipe ban.
“Of course, those with disabilities or a genuine need should be able to use a hosepipe. But the fact that people claiming welfare are also exempt, while full bill-payers face the restrictions, will come as a kick in the hosepipe.”
...Can someone beam me up please as this country has lost the plot.
How is this even real
To me this implies that there is no real water shortage otherwise there would not be exemptions for various groups of people.
— Nicholas Fox (@nicholasfox29) July 14, 2026
This really does smack of the worst of Starmer's two-tier approach to keeping British society under his thumb.
The only way I see that California, and Los Angeles specifically, panders worse in this instance is with air conditioning, which only British elites and elected officials seem to have. Here's an interesting factoid I did not know until this morning - I found it in this helpful HVAC 'New California Rules' handout - and I just had to share. LA County mandates a maximum allowable interior temperature for a rental unit. And the state is fixin' to follow.
...Residential property owners must also be mindful. Los Angeles County has now mandated that the indoor temperature for any rental unit within unincorporated (i.e. places like Altadena) areas of the county must always be 82° or less. The state legislature has also involved itself, with an upcoming tenant housing rule statewide on allowable indoor temperatures within any rental unit.
In some areas of England, if you've had the nerve to install A/C without getting the council's permission, they will order you to remove it.
FRY, ROBIN, FRY
In California, conversely, you will install A/C, and they will tell you exactly how cool you are required to keep it.
And everyone gets hosed.
*Our son was one of the very first computer and gaming savants in the early 90s, winning tournaments and designing "skins" for games not long after Al Gore invented the innerwebs. Unfortunately, he also had a knack for catching the first viruses. One was so virulent that it wiped his computer and all of my work and required one of his father's computer geeks to come from base with a DoD program to finally exterminate it. His uncle Bingley nicknamed him "Ebola," and it has been his nom-de-innerwebs ever since.
Editor's Note: The mainstream media continues to deflect, gaslight, spin, and lie about President Trump, his administration, and conservatives.
Help us continue to expose their left-wing bias by reading news you can trust. Join HotAir VIP and use promo code FIGHT to receive 60% off your membership.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member